Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How To Stay Young,Happy & Health

Throw out non-essential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctor worry about them.
That is why you pay him/her.

Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
If you really need a grouch,
there are probably a few dozen of your relatives
to do the job.

Keep learning.
Learn more about
the computer, crafts, gardening ...whatever.
Just never let the brain idle.

Enjoy the simple things.
When the children are young...
that is all that you can afford.
When they are in college...
that is all that you can afford.
When they are grown and you are on retirement...
that is all that you can afford!

Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
Laugh so much that you can be tracked in the store by your distinctive

The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life is
... ourselves.

Surround yourself with what you love,
whether it is family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies ... whatever.
Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health.
If it is good ... preserve it.
If it is unstable ... improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve ... get help.

Don't take guilt trips.
Go to the mall, the next county, a foreign country... but not guilt.

Tell the people you love,
that you love them ...
at every opportunity.

Words to live by!
Remember ...
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Chocolate Bunny

Chocolate Easter bunny
In a jelly bean nest,
I'm saving you for very last
Because I love you best.
I'll only take a nibble
From the tip of your ear
And one bite from the other side
So that you won't look queer.
Yum, your'e so delicious!
I didn't mean to eat
Your chocolate tail till Tuesday.
Ooops! There go your feet!
I wonder how your back tastes
With all that chocolate hair.
I never thought your tummy
Was only filled with air!
Chocolate Easter bunny
In a jelly bean nest,
I'm saving you for very last
Because I love you best.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Great Truth About Life


1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) Never trust a dog to watch your food.

6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.

9) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

10) School lunches stick to the wall.

11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

12) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

13) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look..
For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day,
someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a
pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.
6) Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
7) Remember the strong oak tree in your backyard
is just a nut that held its ground.
8) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
11) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.


1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
3) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your
shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same
sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They
would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
6) One of life's mysteries is how a two ounce bag
of candy can make person gain five pounds.
7) I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
8) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.
9) Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
10) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then
your body and your fat are really good friends.
11) Age doesn't always bring wisdom.Sometimes age comes alone.
12) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
13) Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
14) Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they
can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.


1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why is it you have a "pair" of pants

and only one bra?

Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry

and insist on getting a Diet Coke?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?
Why do ballet dancers always dance on their toes? Wouldn't it be easier to just hire taller dancers?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why is a carrot more orange

than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do we go under over-passes and over under-passes?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?